Balance/60 percent/selfishness.

I learned something about myself a long time ago. I strive for balance. Rarely will you hear me complain about something not being just right, or perfect. If a craft project turns out different than I expected, I will say that. However, If I finish it, the house is not destroyed, and I have done my work out and fed myself and my family I am uber content. That's just who I am. I also don't judge others if they have to find perfection in something...that's who they are, and I will gladly accept.

I recently read an article in self magazine by Jillian Michaels, a trainer from the biggest loser. She has a definition of selfishness that I would like to challenge. Not because I don't respect her, but rather, I think there are degrees of selfishness that are appropriate. Her opinion is that you put yourself always and then you have more to give. On the biggest loser show, they do 5 hours of cardio a day. I want to see if her opinion changes if she were to walk in my shoes for 6 months. Mostly, I think that she would be envious of my life. :) You see, Jillian doesn't even have a boyfriend...no one to even think about let alone give to. She claims to give so much to her trainees on the show...but gains a total of 20 pounds in the making of the show. The show takes 3 months to film. I gained 22 pounds in 9 months while pregnant with Aiden, I worked, took care of my home and husband and two pets. I am not glorifying myself, rather illustrating that her SELFSIHNESS stance has some discrepancies that I would love to sit down and chat with her about. Again, because I respect her, and found a lot of inspiration in the article to begin with.

When life is about a lot more than yourself you grow. When you learn to balance you, a family, a career, and your weight, that in my opinion is the real deal. I am not at the point of claiming to balance all of it...however I keep working, and won't ever give up. The life I am building has a lot more depth than how I look in a bikini, I know first hand that I am in good shape. If looking good in a bikini is someone else's goal, well, I will be there to cheer them on.

I have entered a contest to meet JILLIAN!!! I would love to talk with her, I would love to hear how she breaks people through their self issues around weight. I learned to put myself last. It was my survival skill. If someone else had needs I let them have it, that for me was easier than fighting. I now understand that I can do that without putting myself last. I have a whole different conversation happening in my brain. For me, it was never about weight. The weight was a consequence of some bad conversations of myself, and letting everyone else be more important. Actually I don't feel thin, and I never felt fat. I am just a happier person knowing that I CAN and WIll achieve my goals. I also want to ask her how one can manage eating on such a tight budget....I am sure she has an answer. And I want to hear it.

I think selfishness has variables.